If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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