He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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