You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
