I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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