Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
