No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
