All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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