I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
