soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
