Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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