someone threw a dead crab at me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
