The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
