perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
