There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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