its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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