I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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