dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
