He is an equal opportunity slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
