i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
