True but thats because hes a fetus.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
