This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
