So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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