dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
