Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
