I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You took a bar mat shot.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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