Define "chronic" masturbator.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
