If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
