When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
