Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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