all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
