The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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