Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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