I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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