Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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