What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
