Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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