I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
