She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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