he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
