i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
