watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
