When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
sex in a hospital.. check
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
tell me about the fingering
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