I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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