Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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