Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
