He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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