It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
