Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
