Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
