It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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