I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
